Sooo, the other night with the girls and a few vodka/splash pineapple on the rocks, we started talking about how long its been since I left New York as my permanent residence, when my friend interrupted me, “Sarah, its been a long time, years, at least five right?!”

In that moment – and frankly, in this one – I was in disbelief that this much time has passed since those black stilettos marched into the airport in New York into what, at the time, seemed like the start of everything. A new and exciting adventure.

I didn’t know it then – but it really  was the beginning of what has become my journey, somewhat of a roller coaster, but definitely  the start of my adult life transforming me into the woman I am.

When I think about the journey … It’s opened my eyes and my hindsight, erased a lot of my fears, showed me so much about myself and how strong I actually am. It has made me into the best shape of my life – emotionally, physically, professionally and mentally. And it’s given me a new outlook on life that I didn’t have as that bright-eyed, naive 20 something-year-old who first arrived, believing with all of my heart that everything would work out perfectly.

I still believe that things will be how they are meant to be – but I don’t believe in that perfection. Nor do I want it…I will however always be a dreamer..

As much as certain trials have caused much distress and disappointment , I’m thankful for them. Without those downs, I could never treasure the ups. I know for a fact that the woman I am today, the blessings I have, the friendships I treasure so deeply – wouldn’t have been possible if I knew everything that would happen when I packed my bags and headed South with a few suitcases, and the kind of blind ambition that only comes with youth. And yes, a little bravery…ok ok a lot!

(besties are always honest with you, at the very least). Instead, she said this:

In response, I wrote out a pretty profound monologue highlighting all of the things I’m feeling: I love my job, my house is becoming more of a home since moving in 2 months ago, my friendships are strong and simple, Im embarking on the most challenging fitness journey of my life, and cant wait! my spirits are high, I feel blessed, I have a beautiful and amazing son, have two trips planned in 2016 and though I’m single, I know more than ever what I want and what I know I deserve. And I’m willing to wait for it, instead of rushing it…Those of you that know me well, you know that when Im passionate about something its hard to shut me up. hahaha

hmmm, that made me think….

When I close my eyes and think of what next year will bring me or what my life will look like in five years, I only see possibility. I have no concrete plans, I have nothing tying me to the ground, I see the opportunities in every moment. I have no idea when I’m going to finally surrender my single status and share my life with a wonderful man who is secure enough to know that Im all his, a man that has energy that can hang with mine and still fall in love with all of the goodness and toughness that defines me. I have no idea where I will live – even though I do love Florida, I love alot of places & I’m sure I also love places I’ve never been to. I can’t see the faces of my future babies, if that is even in my future, that will be the center of my world along with Micah. I don’t know what articles I’ll write or when my book will be finished , what dates I’ll go on, what love I’ll share, what chances I’ll take. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the type of person who can not stop fighting for every single dream I ever wanted ( most likely not) .

But I do know this: the unknown is where everything begins. It’s both the scariest and the richest place you could be. It is ripe with words you can’t hear, roots you can’t feel growing beneath you, wings sprouting that you can’t see are lifting you higher to where you’re meant to be. It is where love is always born. It is where two people take a chance on something they can’t guarantee. It is when you look around you – at the chaos, at the beauty and at the challenges that feel so heavy – and you realize that you are enough to handle all of it. It is where you capture your own power, it’s where you stand up tall, you breathe it all in and you love it all out.

I do know that in a few years, its been life changing..I’ve had things happen that were eye opening and forever changed my view of the world. “something beautiful” …and although things could of made me cold and closed off, it did the opposite and I’m forever thankful for God, family, friends and my strong little heart. I’ve published this blog. I’ve lived in two apartments, before building a house. I landed an amazing job. Built a successful freelance business. I’ve become a mom, the single most beautiful accomplishment. I dove out of my comfort zone, got up some courage, took my son and blindly walked out of a toxic relationship a few years ago, best decision I ever made. I would be lying if I said its easy everyday, but you cant put a price on freedom of the soul and the surrounding myself with only positive.

I’ve repeated: You can do this, you can do anything,  Before starting every single last chapter, adventure, love affair, dream and hope in the past few years. I don’t know when anything and everything will come. I don’t know when the next page will turn, or who will be in the next chapter..when all of the visions I have swirling in my head will come to fruition.

But I do know that finally, after so much work, after so many tears, after so many plans gone awry, after so many text messages and blog posts and kisses and wine and late-night chats and long walks on the beach, my home… that not knowing is the best part of it all.

It’s where everything started a few years ago, it’s where I’m living now and it’s where I’m going: confidently, bravely, lovingly, imperfectly… into the power, the magic, the passion, the strength and the infinite possibility… of… well, I don’t know. But I know I’ll find out.

On another note, I love my friends and my family…the vibes of New York. Where it all began and will forever be the place I call home.

Love,

Sarah Elizabeth XoXo